ANGRY

How do I stop being ANGRY?!?!?! I want to be at the beach. Maybe I should suck it up and look at something a couple of blocks away. Will I be happy with that? I really don't know. ONCE you live at the beach, you can't settle for something that doesn't make you happy. I just have so many regrets. I really do. I think I need to stop though.

 

I've had a great life, hubby who loves me, children who are good people. 

 

who cares that I'm not at the beach

who cares that I am not a "Nana" 

who cares that I may not be able to retire

who cares that the house is alot to take care of?

 

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!?!?!  

An update to LIFE

 I am currently on layoff - with a severance package from Boeing. TFG is the president again and what a nightmare it's been. I hope to retire next year, but worried that I won't be able to afford it. Life isn't what I thought it would be. James is still looking and waiting to get a job. 

 

I'm super sad (2016) was when Steph and Derek told us that they didn't want to have kids. While I totally understand, I feel cheated and unfullfilled. I NEVER thought that I wouldn't be a grandmother. I always thought I would be. I'm pretty sure Paula and CJ won't have kids either. 

 

We have no cats or dogs and we are just in limbo right now.. UGH.. I hate it. 

it's been a while

 I am reading a article and I ran across this: 

 

20."If you have children, you're pretty much always the adult in charge. My husband is great and a very active parent, but my kids automatically just steamroll right past him to ask me everything — all the time. I'm expected to fully immerse myself in every detail of our children's lives. What day is the big test? Who is mad at who right now and why? When is the deadline for X event? What classes are required for graduation? Just ALL the things, ALL the time."

"I also have to absorb everyone's emotional burdens 24/7. It's exhausting."

 

Life

My regrets: 

not buying 209 in 2014

not buying 401 in 2017

BUYING the Apt in Signal Hill 

I'm tired. 

I want to retire, but here I am. 

furlough - granted, then taken away

layoffs - I'd volunteer, but James doesn't have a job. 

I'm exhausted. 

life is different.. 

no sex life

no fun

I'm sad that I don't have the money to buy a million dollar 2 bedroom beachfront condo over at Queens surf.. #309 is for sale.. I cannot afford it... this is what prompted me to write here.